I’ve heard this many times from other women who’ve experienced losses. We want to try again, yet when the time comes we chicken out. Or, at least, we start to have doubts. Now that I’m in my first month of truly TTC, I too am beginning to question myself. Do I really want one more child? We already have 4. Do I really want to go through waking up in the middle of the night again? Do I really want to coach softball with an infant. My son is finally at the age where I don’t need to worry about him too much while I coach softball. With a new infant, it’ll be challenging all over again. I’ll miss part of the pre-season in the fall if I do conceive now, etc, etc, etc.
It’s a little unnerving. See, if it “just happened” in one of the other months when I wasn’t really “trying” then I would feel like it was meant to be and that everything would work out okay. Now that it’s my choice, I’m wondering if it’s the smartest or best choice. I know if things end up stressing me out (in regards to having another child) it will be “my fault” since it was my choice to try again and add this child to our family. Of course, it’s not my decision along exactly, DH is all for it, but ultimately he says it’s up to me. If I want more, we’ll have more, if not, that’s fine too.
It’s so strange how you can be so sure of something then have that change over the course of a few months. I guess that’s one reason why dr’s recommend waiting to TTC again after a loss. I do want to try again. I have no intention of going back on birth control, but I guess I just know it’s not the best timing in regards to the softball season that starts in the fall. BUT, I also know that the timing isn’t completely up to me. I could try now and may not even conceive. Maybe I’m worrying for nothing. I also know that my pregnancy last time was perfectly timed as far as softball is concerned and it ended in miscarriage. So why stress about timing? Even with all the planning in the world in may not work out the way you like anyway right?
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