Will we actually TTC again after this? Surprisingly I am actually thinking about it. Surprisingly for 2 reasons.
1. Before this I always thought that couples who lost a child then had another one soon after where trying to replace the child they lost. I didn’t really like that, no child can replace another and I felt like they were disregarding their lost child in a way by having another one so soon. So when I found out for sure that this pg wasn’t going to continue, the fact that the thought of TTC again helped me feel better really shocked me. I so much still wanted this baby and knew that I would always remember this one. I did not feel in any way that another would replace this one that is lost, but at the same time the thought of trying for another one eased the pain. I didn’t understand it at all and still don’t, but I’ll let it be. Now I know that other couple who’ve done this weren’t trying to replace their child that was lost, but God blessed them with another child and a way to help them heal.
2. Second reason this surprised me is because I never planned on a 5th child in the first place. All my life I’ve planned on 2 or 4 and to be done by the time I’m 30, preferably 28. So when my son (my 4th) was born the day before my 28th birthday I thought that was it - it was perfect! Once I found out this pg may not go as it should I just thought that it wasn’t meant to be. That my life will just stick with that plan I’d had for so long. If the pg didn’t work out, I wasn’t meant to have more kids, 4 was it. So going from “it wasn’t meant to be” to “I want to try again” is about a 180 degree turn.
So I don’t know if it will happen. I only know that I’m seriously considering it. However I am cautious that maybe it’s just hormones, or emotions, or grief controlling my thought process at this point. So I’m not going to rush into anything as much as I’d like to. I’d like to just forget about birth control and let things happen, but then that would throw a huge wrench into the trip we have planned to DisneyWorld next Sept. A trip we’ve planned on for the past 3 years. So, I’m going to have to be patient. Wait and make sure we really want to try this again. We’ll see what happens.
Technorati Tags: TTC, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss