I was recently on a message board when someone mentioned that it must be part of a “maternal instinct” or something that makes us want to conceive again after a miscarriage. All the women there have already experienced losses and even though many already have kids, or may be toward the end of their fertility, or may have previously thought they were done, they now want another child.
I, too, feel into the boat of “knowing” I was done. I have 4 kids, it’s all I ever planned on having my whole life. I had 3 girls and finally got my son. I thought I was done, especially after all the back pain and discomfort I had with my son. I was so uncomfortable and in pain almost every day. Then he came so quickly. Labor was fast. I feared that the next time (if there was one) I would not make it to the hospital in time and that absolutely terrified me.
But now, after a loss, I feel like I would endure all that and more in a heartbeat if it means that I can experience the miracle of life again. If it means that I will get to feel my baby moving inside me again. Nothing will bring back the child I lost, but just give me another chance and I will deal with the back pain, with whatever I have to deal with…heck I’ll even give birth in the car on the way to the hospital if I have to. I don’t care, just give me one more blessing. One more chance to hold and meet my newborn child to experience that joy and that miracle one more time. So what if people think I have too many kids, if they think I’m crazy.
I thought it was just my reaction to a loss, but apparently many other women are affected in much the same way. Some know their chances are slimmer because they’ve had multiple losses or they are over 40 but they still want that “one more chance” like me. So maybe it is just something “built in” to us? I couldn’t tell you. I just realize that I’m not alone in my feelings and that’s nice to know.
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